[break from lidia] I go to my other hero

I think I have a crush. I think I never wrote it down before, my feelings about this “crush thing” but as Bodi said, writing it on paper makes it more real. And here I go. I m making it real, keeping it real. Taking a break from Lidia, my love. I come face to face with this dilemma, this deliriously happy disturbing yet intoxicating feeling. Yes, I think I have a crush. I have had crushes before, lance bass, this guy from la sale who can dance a hell of “deep” [who is that man I want to shake his hand for he lives and me and he died for you and me woowoo deep deep], and my President.

And now this new guy. Ugh I hope it would go away. It feels weird. [Please allow me to be a teenager lol even if I am an adult] How can every touch matter that it haunts me when I sleep till I wake. Gawd! Although he is different (they always are, aren’t they?) nobody knows OF him. NO ONE. To be quite honest, I m not necessarily proud that I feel this way about him, I know that nothing is going to happen. For one, it’s TOO WEIRD. Lol. Why why why Lord! Why?!

I recently found out that he HAD a love. Oh my poor dear, was crushed. If I can but cradle his shattered pieces, be given the chance to love him back together he would find new reasons to smile. If I could break down that wall!

He may look like he has a cold exterior and also an interior that cannot care less about the world. But when you step into his world, there is this warm light. You bask in it and you feel calmed, safe. [oh my God! It’s Jesus Christ!]

And every layer the you peel off, there is something greater. He just becomes more enticing. (pardon the word) There is somehing that gets you hooked. I pray for the day that when i peel the next layer off ther'd be shitholes staring back at me. oh but that is not possible. truly, utterly not possible. He's breathtaking.
*waves goodbye to breath*

Did I mention his eyes? (gawd I hope no body reads this. But it will be quite nice to know I have been heard) They are Chinese eyes. Pretty. Not my type but pretty…okay no more details. I will melt away now… melting, melting, mweeealtinggg…..

*turns into puddle