choices (warning: sobrang labo to. kung ayaw nyo, wag nyo basahin.)

how can you learn to embrace touch kiss love selflessly surrender when Betrayal Hate Distrust has already pushed you to a corner you look around. a Hand. callous but smooth. must be human? Refuge? maybe. Will you take it?
a) risk pulling it with you to nowhere?
b) shun it. it must be false. since everything is.

is that Hand reaching out fingers coated with care and kindness hm.. real? maybe it's just one of those 3 monsters/ with hooded black cloaks and decaying flesh/ trying to get hold of your precious soul/ having such delight in seeing you fall!/ watching you scurry for your lost pieces/ smirk at you as you desperately tug on their black sheets/ begging them to give it back even some of it back/kneeling out of desperation, kissing their feet! x.x then it hits you. they have You. and they're NEVER going to give in. never gonna give YOU back. But what is this hand? what is this Hand?!?!?!

i just can't win

walking through zen. i saw lover's fingers intertwined.holding hands.
as if preparing for their last dance
suddenly wished for a higad to fall. i smiled to myself. that made me feel better.
they can die of itch together.
but they're still together! and they'll be happy forever! - x.x

tore my eyes away/scratched my head/prayed for the feeling to go away. today.

..i m itching for a joy ride..
*scratch*

1/8 emo only

whutta crazy stressful soopperr happyy weekend :)

wahhh friday!!!

HIGH ON MUSIC! can't wait for my next whiff!

*I got Jorel Corpus *bows* to sign my chux! whee hott!! inc. all the Happy Meals people! :>
Nino Avenido- whaattaaa bassist. spider hands all the way baby!
*Urbandub too! Gabby-sOooOO hotTTTtt!! marry meee!! hihihihihihihi *gross girly laugh*
*would've been perfect... except...
killer - stupid washable pentElpens... *bangs head against the wall.*
got home by 4 am!!!
*So proud *clapclap* go anthem!!! :) givin a voice to all indie bandss!! :) go ahya! :)

My long Saturday

1. woke up 7 30 am. Bangag fest
2. wore my chuxxxxx!! and spags to prove i was a gurl.. din't work though. mean Dino. -.-
3. went to ateneo ACIL thinger *clapclap* gO soc aw team ( i was half asleep i m sowee :( )
4. was DRAGGED by a cookie to a place with bubbles, chicken and Bea (saviour) but earned 300 bucks so what da hell :p
5. came back to ATENEO alOne.. *sniff*
6. met up with laugh trip mahalay mates - MM's (aww love yah guys especially jed jed=>)
7. exposed bacon grandma undies
8. dialled my nose in front of my MM's (binibinyagan ko nang MM's taung 4!) haha laughter picked up! I was literally rolling on the Dog House benches! - WTF was i thinking!?? wahah
9. a huge phlem like saliva dripped from a mouth and that mouth sucked it up again! wahahahah mehn... sharing...
10. Jack-split (ouch! my ...... x.x)
11. Took a car ride to somewhere haha walked to somewhere and rode a jeep! :)
12. Father-Daughter bonding :) - thanks so much papa! hehe never felt safer maski di ntn sure ung BAHAY NG ALUMNI haha :>
13. Dad charmed the lady and got to enter the theater free - whatta
14. watched the king of masks - stood up for a while then sat down and slept.
15. after- waited for the rain to stop coz din't want my hot chux to be soaked (Was willing to walk barefoot btw!!) until we met PDA and Real Div. :D
16. hitched a ride back with tito and tita ( Real Div's parents)
17. Arrived at Ateneo - Bonded with PDA, PDB and dad
18. PDA talked about BOYS ONLY STUFF with me (a GIRL!!!)
19. PDA forgot i was girl.. how's that?
20. PDA and PDB had to go watch a movie with ate cheenee
21. bye bye PDA and PDB
22. heart to heart with dad - the farting fling :)) lolz... (sorry just had to put it there dad)
23. Sis fetched me and went on a mini road trip.
24. bought 2 pc chicken mash potato and not-so-extremely-hot hot shots
25. ate it all
26. attempted to study but to no avail...
27. slept

Sunday

1. attempted to study but to no avail
2. frends with jed jed:) clapclap! mwah - wanna try da cake! :p
3. I opened up pandora's box and i was flooded with memories. i wanted to cut my head off just to forget. it hurts as much as the first time i was stabbed. I reopened my wounds. nice one marj. : "honestly this distance is what's killing me. i lied when i said waiting was fine. i need you here with me now because every hour is except the last one... KILLS" - safety in numbers; udub

The Bitter L's

life love lust lonliness. the Ls.

it takes a part of us as we ponder on them. we leave parts of our souls as we try desperately to uncode the riddles that have no answers.

But we'll just never do.

hm..

when i close my eyes

there are so many emotions
wandering in my system
trying to find its way out
looking for its perfect route

i have to write...

i walk the path of broken roads
i smell dead rats and see dead toads

the horizon was painted black and violet
no reds nor oranges no yellows; no sunset

my open hands turned into fists and clasped tight
that my fingernails sliced through my palm with its might

i knew what it was but i felt no pain
my blood was dripping yet it was all in vain

i m trapped forever in this place of spilled guts and passion
echoing their screeches of torment and rejection

they have all been forgotten by those who once loved them
but still they scream their anthem for their fervor that has fallen

Techtalk

We’re all running around campus eating brunch and merriendinner. We’re on a unicycle with our school work on the right, org. meetings on the left, blocks of faith and family on our heads and gimmik balls on our noses, moving steadily forward and doing it all with smiles on our faces (most of the time, at least). What gadget can help us balance all these? Last time I checked, the market is totally out of magic wands. Who says we need to keep up with technology? technology needs to keep up with us.

thorugh the eyes of a bug

i saw a bug today. a little one. (size: 4 little ants pasted together with mighty bond)
i dont know exactly WHAT kind of bug, just a bug i guess. They all look alike.

it was struggling to find its way out from my maze of technology. (didn't know how it got there)
my friend's Blacksabbath CD case to the right, a Canon A 400 camera on the left, a 256 MB usb diagonally placed in front of it, a grey notebook behind the bug, black mouse behind the notebook.

i just stared at it. and it stared at me. I was really disturbed. Creeped me out. It went around trying to find its way out. it went under a couple of little spaces. under the gadgets but ended up going back to the middle of it all.

It looked at me again(it did!-well, at least i felt it did...), it seemed to have no choice.

I ignored it and went on writing my feature article.

was i the bug? Yes.
Who was 'I'?

on a HIGH

"jesus is the rock! and he rolls my blues away! :p jesus is the rock and he blows my blue away baba shubab ba shubab whoo!" - mehn... i think i kinda lost it :p

Days with You :)

4-10:33 pm

my fingers kept bleeding x( but i couldn't stop them
they just kept on dancing
on the finger board.
i can hardly move them! but it was worth it...
for in their dark worlds, i was one of the few stars.
-at least our fire didn't burn out. BIL.-

the soft light on my face
sketched every inch of my imperfection
letting me see what i was, what i am
and what i am forever tainted to be

fallen from the silent
candle lighted night sky
the spirit of love came upon me
slit my throat and removed my sight

thank you dear angel of the stars
for you have blinded me
from my horrid realities
and helped me see no more misery.